Our Birth Story

Life has certainly changed a lot since I sent my last newsletter. A new little human has joined us on earth. River Kaden O’Connor was born on 10/25/18 at 1:13am. He weighed 6lbs13oz and was 20.25 inches tall. A healthy little boy. He was born the night of the full moon, in our apartment in NYC, under water, in our bathtub. 

When I was 20 weeks pregnant I found an insurance company that would cover a home birth. I decided to switch from a medical model of care to a midwifery model of care. After doing a lot of research I decided this was the right decision for me and my partner and it was how we wanted to bring our baby into the world. It wasn’t an easy decision and I certainly had some push back from people around me. However, I stuck to it as I felt with all my heart it was right for us.

Many people asked me if I was scared or what if something were to go wrong and we needed emergency care. I told them I wasn’t scared because I had no doubt that my body would be able to do this very natural process. I also trusted that if there were a complication that my midwife would catch it and transfer me to the hospital if needed. I experienced a very peaceful pregnancy and I actively avoided a fear based medical system as much as I could. I wanted the birth to be the same.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have much respect for the medical world but I also believe that somewhere along the line birth has become unnecessarily overly medicalized. Birth is not an emergency yet it is often treated as one in a hospital setting. Women are often laid on their backs, unable to move much, hooked up to monitors and IV drips, given drugs to induce labor- all this and more, without always asking "is this necessary?”. If it is, okay, bring it on... if it isn’t, then please step back and trust the woman’s body to do its job. 

My labor was luckily uncomplicated but this doesn’t mean it wasn’t intense. On that Wednesday night in our living room around 6pm, when I started feeling strong contractions there wasn’t much I could do but get on my hands and knees, head down on the couch and moan and breathe through each one. Garreth, my amazing partner, was present with me through each surge. My dear friend, Isabelle, happened to be in town from France and came over to help us. Then my doula arrived. Then the midwife. They all knew this was coming on fast and strong so they arrived quickly.

By 11pm they guided me to our bathtub, with the hopes it would bring some relief and slow things down for a bit. It felt nice to be in the warm water but things certainly didn’t slow down. Contraction after contraction, stronger and stronger. I squeezed whosever hand was closest. The pain was indescribable, very localized to my lower abdomen and I did not like anybody to touch me but I did need everyone near me. 

I moaned and groaned and heard sounds come out of me that I didn’t know were possible. I remember saying “I can’t do this” many times. My body was doing the work and I just had to go with it. I had no choice. There was no pain relief available. Only my sounds and my breath. Every now and again the midwife would put the fetal monitor up to my belly and I would hear the baby’s sweet little heart beat. This kept me strong. I knew he was OK and we were going to meet soon.

The most fascinating part of the labor was when my body started pushing. I didn’t start pushing, my body did! My sounds went from low groans to roars. It was powerful. It hurt so much. The midwife didn't check to see how dilated I was. She just watched me, listened to me, observed me... and knew that things were progressing well. When the time was right she encouraged me to reach down and see if I could feel the head. I did it. She knew it would help me get to the other side sooner. It did. I knew we were close. The pain was so bad now and she told me that i can push with every contraction at this point. In my squat position i waited and then pushed with all my might. Another few agonizing roars and his head was fully out! The pain was unbelievable but it was almost over now. Our baby's head was born and immersed under water. Unreal. After another few contractions and pushes the rest of him emerged and our little boy was born! He gave out a good cry and then rested completely alert and calm in my arms. The relief was enormous. I had done it! I  I was a mother. Garreth was a father. We had a son. 

River rested on me for a long while as we waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing.  Garreth had the honor of cutting it and once the placenta was delivered we were guided to our bed. He was weighed, measured and assessed and then again brought to me to rest, latch and bond. It was the most incredible moment of my life.  Around 4am, once the apartment was cleaned up and we were both deemed healthy everyone left and it was just Garreth, myself and River, in our home, alone. We didn’t sleep much. We were in awe and also a bit in shock. It was so surreal yet also the most real thing any of us had ever experienced. We took turns dozing off while the other stared at him, falling deeply in love with this human we created.

The following weeks have been filled with so many emotions, worries, fears and balanced by laughter, support and an intense love that I have never felt before.  Sleep deprivation is really hard but his extreme cuteness helps a lot :)

Anything beyond today feels daunting so my current state is in the present moment.  It’s the only place where I feel safe and at ease.  Oh motherhood, you are already challenging me in ways i never knew possible and at the same time cracking my heart right open.