Fear: A Powerful Tool
Over the past month i have been attending a class called Pelvis, Breath & Spine at Sacred Sounds in NYC, taught by an incredibly knowledgable and compassionate teacher, Julianna Mitchell. The class is specifically for women and it is filled with profound meditations, gentle and restorative yoga, anatomy, spirituality and thematic discussions. I find it extremely nourishing, healing, nurturing.
Two weeks ago, Julianna asked me if i would be able to sub this class for her when she goes away at the end of June. My immediate response was "absolutely not". But that's when things got interesting. I noticed that this response came along with a visceral reaction. I felt my blood get hot. My gut tie up in knots and self doubt surface. Fear had emerged. This is when i knew, i had to teach this class.
You see, i have learned through years of self study that fear is not my enemy. Fear can lead us to magical places, if we learn to understand it. The fear that rose up inside of me was showing me something very important about myself. It was telling me it was time to break free of an old story. The story of "i'm not ready enough" i'm not skilled enough" "i'm not spiritual enough". I could have easily let fear guide me to a place of safety and hiding. I REALLY wanted to go there. However, i was certain that moving through the fear, instead of giving into it, was going to lead me to a place of beautiful growth.
I believe that one of the existential struggles of being human is deciphering between the words of the head and the longings of the heart... at least it is for me. I have to constantly remind myself that the heart doesn't fear. The heart is love, hope, peace, faith and trust. The head, among many of it's amazing features, is also self doubt, lack of confidence and is constantly trying to keep us in a safe place.
Side Note: One practice that has been extremely useful for quieting my mind and tapping into my heart space is Yoga Nidra (book recommendation: Yoga NIdra by Swami Satyananda Saraswati).
Next time you notice yourself reacting to something out of fear, take a step back and try to see this as an opportunity to use the powerful emotion as a tool, rather than an inhibitor, of growth. It takes a little courage, but i believe it is totally worth the risk.